Why High-Achieving Women Struggle to Sleep in November(And What Your Nervous System Has to Do With It)

Every year around this time, I start hearing it in sessions again:

“I can’t fall asleep.”
“I keep waking up at 3 a.m.”
“My brain won’t turn off.”

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone — and you’re not “doing rest wrong.”
You’re experiencing what I call nervous system drift: that end-of-year pattern where shorter days, added responsibilities, and emotional fatigue quietly push your body out of balance.

And for high-achieving women — especially Black women and neurodivergent women — this drift can feel like a full-body shutdown.

Why November Sleep Gets Weird

Several factors make November a uniquely restless month:

1. Decreased daylight affects your circadian rhythm.
When sunset creeps earlier, your body produces melatonin later, disrupting your natural sleep-wake cycle.

2. The “mental year-end sprint.”
You’re probably evaluating your goals, juggling family logistics, prepping for holidays — all while your body is asking for hibernation mode. That mismatch fuels cognitive overstimulation and insomnia.

3. The emotional labor of connection.
Many women spend November managing other people’s feelings — anticipating gatherings, smoothing family tension, or keeping up with partners and colleagues.
This constant outward focus leaves the body hypervigilant, not relaxed.

Many of my clients are brilliant, capable, and deeply caring — but they also live in chronic performance mode.

For high-achieving Black women and femmes, sleep struggles are often tied to the cultural pressure to be endlessly strong and self-sufficient. That “Strong Black Woman” schema keeps the body on alert even when the day is over.
For neurodivergent women, factors like sensory sensitivity, hyperfocus, and rejection-sensitive anxiety can make winding down harder.

Three Practices to Help You Sleep (and Feel) Better This Winter

The 5-Minute Wind-Down Ritual

Before bed, try this three-step reset:

• Soften your gaze. Look around the room and name three things that feel safe.

• Exhale twice as long as you inhale. This activates the parasympathetic system (the “rest and digest” response).

• Place one hand on your heart, one on your belly. Remind your body: “It’s safe to rest now.”

This isn’t meditation — it’s physiological permission.

A “Play Pause” During the Day

Play regulates the same neural pathways that help us sleep.
Take five minutes midday to stretch, doodle, dance, or step outside without multitasking.
That joy signals your nervous system it’s safe to stop hustling — even briefly.

➡️ Supporting research: Stuart Brown – The Neuroscience of Play (NPR)

Decenter the Emotional Load Before Bed

Journal or voice-note one question:

“What feelings am I holding that aren’t mine to carry into tomorrow?” This helps externalize emotional labor — especially for caregivers and partners.
Your nervous system can’t sleep if it thinks it’s still responsible for everyone else’s peace.

Sleep problems aren’t just about bedtime habits. They’re signals from a nervous system that’s been running the show all year and is finally asking:

“Can I rest now?”

If that question feels hard to answer, therapy can help.
Together, we can untangle what your body’s been holding — and rebuild a sense of safety, calm, and rest from the inside out. Request an appointment to start supporting your nervous system this season.