Making Space for Grief: Embracing Healing During the Holiday Season
The holidays are often framed as a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. But for many people, especially those navigating trauma, burnout, or complex life transitions, this season can stir up grief in ways that are hard to name.
If the holidays feel heavier this year — if you’re more tired, irritable, sad, or disconnected — you’re not alone. And you’re not doing the holidays “wrong.”
Grief doesn’t only show up after death.
And it doesn’t always look like tears.
Why Grief Feels Stronger During the Holidays
The holiday season has a way of highlighting what’s missing.
Routines change. Memories resurface. Family dynamics come into sharper focus. Cultural expectations to be happy or grateful can make it harder to acknowledge pain.
For people who have spent much of their lives in survival mode — especially high-achieving women, Black women, and neurodivergent adults — grief may live quietly in the body long before it’s recognized consciously.
The nervous system remembers what the mind tries to move past.
Different Types of Grief That Often Show Up This Time of Year
1. Grief After the Loss of a Loved One
This is the type of grief we most commonly recognize.
Holidays can intensify the absence of someone who once held a place in your life — a parent, partner, sibling, friend, or chosen family member. Traditions may feel painful. Joy may feel complicated.
There’s no timeline for this kind of grief. Missing someone years later doesn’t mean you’re stuck — it means the relationship mattered.
2. Grief for Relationships That Changed or Ended
Not all losses involve death.
You may be grieving:
a strained relationship with a parent
distance from family
a breakup or divorce
a friendship that no longer feels safe or mutual
the decision to go low- or no-contact for your own well-being
During the holidays, when connection is emphasized, these relational losses can feel especially sharp.
3. Grief for the Life You Thought You’d Have
This type of grief is rarely talked about — but it’s deeply real.
You might be grieving:
not having children (by choice or circumstance)
not having a partner
not living in the place you imagined
a career path that didn’t unfold as planned
the version of yourself you thought you’d be by now
This grief often carries shame, because society doesn’t always make space for mourning unlived lives.
But your nervous system knows the difference between acceptance and suppression.
4. Grief Rooted in Trauma and Burnout
For many people, grief is woven into trauma and chronic stress.
You may be grieving:
years spent in survival mode
childhoods shaped by instability or emotional neglect
always having to be “strong”
being the one who held everything together
not having had the chance to rest, play, or be cared for
This grief may show up as exhaustion, numbness, irritability, or feeling disconnected rather than sadness.
That doesn’t make it less valid.
5. Collective and Cultural Grief
Many Black, Indigenous, and People of Color carry grief that is both personal and collective.
This can include grief tied to:
racism and systemic harm
intergenerational trauma
community loss
ongoing social and political stress
The body holds these experiences, even when there are no words for them.
Grief Doesn’t Always Look Like Crying
Grief can show up as:
fatigue
anxiety
difficulty concentrating
feeling emotionally flat
wanting to withdraw
increased irritability
feeling “off” without knowing why
These are not signs of weakness.
They are nervous system responses to loss.
Making Space for Grief Without Forcing Healing
You don’t need to “process” everything this holiday season.
You don’t need to feel grateful.
You don’t need to make meaning out of pain.
Sometimes the most supportive thing you can do is:
acknowledge what hurts
reduce pressure on yourself
allow mixed emotions
prioritize safety and rest
seek support without rushing resolution
Healing is not about erasing grief — it’s about learning how to carry it with more care.
How Therapy Can Help During the Holidays
Working with a trauma-informed therapist can help you:
understand how grief lives in the body
gently regulate your nervous system
process losses that were never acknowledged
release shame around your emotional responses
create boundaries that protect your capacity
Therapies like EMDR and somatic approaches don’t require you to relive every detail of loss. They help your nervous system feel less overwhelmed by what it’s holding.
You Don’t Have to Carry This Alone
If the holidays bring up grief — whether old, new, visible, or invisible — you deserve support that honors your full experience.
There is no “right” way to grieve.
There is only your way.
If you’re considering therapy, I offer trauma-informed support for adults across Pennsylvania, both virtually and in person in Jenkintown.
Care is not something you have to earn — especially during the holidays.
