Rest as Resistance: Reclaiming Mental Health in BlackCommunities

In a culture that has historically demanded everything from Black bodies—labor, resilience, strength, survival—rest can feel like a luxury we haven't earned. But what if rest isn't a reward for productivity? What if it's a birthright, a form of resistance, and a necessary part of healing?

February invites us to honor Black history, but it also asks us to look honestly at what that history has cost and what it continues to demand. For many Black individuals, mental health struggles aren't just personal; they're woven into generations of survival, adaptation, and pushing through. Understanding this context is essential to understanding why rest, boundaries, and emotional care aren't indulgences—they're acts of reclamation.

The Weight of Generational Trauma in the Black Community

Generational trauma doesn't always announce itself. It shows up in the way we apologize for needing help, the way we override exhaustion to meet others' expectations, the way we carry tension in our shoulders without knowing why. It lives in the belief that rest is laziness, that vulnerability is weakness, that we have to be twice as good to be seen as half as worthy.

How Trauma Gets Passed Down

These aren't just thoughts—they're survival strategies passed down through families who had no choice but to endure. Ancestors who weren't allowed to rest, to grieve openly, to express pain without consequence. What was necessary then can become a burden now, especially when the world still asks Black people to perform strength, composure, and resilience without offering safety or support in return.

The Physical Impact of Racial Trauma

The body remembers what the mind tries to forget. Chronic stress, hypervigilance, and the constant negotiation of predominantly white spaces take a toll. Research shows that Black Americans experience higher rates of anxiety, depression, and trauma-related conditions—not because of individual weakness, but because of systemic inequality, discrimination, and the cumulative weight of navigating a world that wasn't built with our wellness in mind.

The Myth of the Strong Black Woman (and the Strong Black Man)

We've been taught to celebrate strength. And strength is real—it's in our history, our music, our movements, our survival. But strength has also been weaponized. It's been used to justify neglect, to deny care, to expect Black people to endure without breaking.

Breaking Down Harmful Stereotypes

The "Strong Black Woman" trope tells us we don't need help. That we can handle anything. That our pain is less urgent, less real, less deserving of tenderness. The same pressure exists for Black men, who are often denied the space to be vulnerable, to admit fear, to express emotion without being seen as threatening or weak.

This mythology doesn't protect us—it isolates us. It makes asking for help feel like failure. It makes rest feel like betrayal. And it keeps us from accessing the mental health care we deserve.

Finding the Right Therapist: Why Culturally Responsive Therapy Matters

Therapy, at its best, offers something radical: permission to tell the truth. Not the edited version we share at work, not the composed version we perform for safety, but the full, messy, human truth.

What to Look for in a Black Therapist or Culturally Competent Provider

For Black clients, finding a therapist who understands the nuance of Black experiences—microaggressions, code-switching, systemic racism, cultural identity—can make all the difference. It means not having to explain why certain comments sting, why certain spaces feel unsafe, why rest feels forbidden. It means being seen, believed, and cared for without having to prove your pain.

Therapy Approaches for Racial Trauma and Generational Healing

Therapy can help untangle what's yours to carry and what you've inherited. It can create space to grieve what was lost, honor what sustained you, and choose new ways forward. Whether through:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) for trauma processing

• Somatic therapy to release tension held in the body

• Talk therapy to explore patterns and beliefs

• Trauma-informed care that recognizes systemic impacts

Healing becomes possible when we're no longer doing it alone.

What Black Mental Health Healing Looks Like

Healing doesn't mean forgetting where you come from or dismissing what your ancestors endured. It means honoring their resilience while choosing to live differently. It means recognizing that you don't have to earn rest, that boundaries aren't selfish, that your mental health matters as much as anyone else's.

Practical Steps Toward Mental Wellness

Healing might look like:

• Saying no without guilt

• Allowing yourself to feel anger, grief, or fear without judgment

• Asking for help before you're drowning

• Releasing the pressure to be strong all the time

• Finding joy without waiting for permission

• Resting, not as a reward, but as a practice

It's not linear. There will be days when old patterns resurface, when the weight feels too heavy, when rest feels impossible. That's okay. Healing isn't about perfection—it's about returning, again and again, to care for yourself with the gentleness you've always deserved.

Rest as Resistance: Prioritizing Black Mental Health

Black mental health matters. Not as an afterthought, not as a trend, but as a fundamental truth. You don't have to carry everything alone. You don't have to prove your pain is valid. You don't have to wait until you're broken to seek support.

This February—and every month—as we honor Black history, let's also honor the living, breathing people who are still navigating its legacy. Let's make space for rest as resistance. Let's normalize therapy, boundaries, and emotional care in Black communities. Let's choose healing, not because we're weak, but because we're worthy.

Your Story Deserves Care

Your story deserves care. Your rest is meaningful. Your healing matters.

Ready to Begin Your Healing Journey?

If you're seeking support, The Mending Space welcomes you. We offer trauma-informed, culturally responsive therapy in a space where your full self is honored.

Services include:

• Individual therapy for Black mental health and racial trauma

• EMDR and somatic therapy

• Support for anxiety, depression, and generational trauma

• Culturally competent care that honors your experiences

Contact us today to schedule a consultation and take the first step toward the care you deserve.

When You’re Doing Everything Right, but Things Still Feel Hard

You're Not Failing—You're Human

There's a particular kind of exhaustion that settles in when you're doing all the "right" things for your mental health, yet somehow still feel like you're struggling. You show up to therapy every week. You take your medication as prescribed, or you've thoughtfully decided what works best for your body. You're journaling regularly, moving your body when you can, setting boundaries with people who drain you, drinking enough water, and genuinely trying to rest. From the outside, and maybe even on paper, it looks like you're making real progress. But internally? Things still feel heavy, tender, or downright overwhelming.

If this resonates with you, I want you to hear this clearly: you're not broken, you're not behind, and you're not failing at healing. You're simply human, navigating the complex reality of mental health recovery that rarely gets talked about honestly.

The Dangerous Myth of Linear Healing

We live in a culture that frames healing as straightforward and effort-based, almost like a transaction. The underlying message is simple: if I do X, then I should feel better. When that predictable outcome doesn't materialize, many of us immediately turn inward with harsh self-examination. What am I missing? Why isn't this working for me? Why am I still struggling when I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do? These questions, innocent as they may seem, can quietly transform into shame—even when no one else is placing blame on you.

One of the hardest truths about mental health recovery is that "doing everything right" doesn't guarantee immediate relief, and sometimes it doesn't even guarantee relief on any timeline we'd prefer. Healing isn't a formula you can solve or a recipe you can follow to guaranteed success. It's a deeply personal, often nonlinear process that unfolds differently for everyone. Understanding this doesn't make the struggle easier, but it can help dissolve some of the shame that comes from unmet expectations.

When the Work of Healing Brings Difficult Things to the Surface

Here's something many people don't realize until they're deep in the process: when you begin therapy or commit to intentional self-work, you often stop numbing, avoiding, or dissociating in the ways you once did simply to survive. Those old coping mechanisms, however unhealthy they may have been, served a purpose. They protected you from feeling things you weren't ready to feel. As they fall away—which is ultimately a good thing—there's often a vulnerable period before new, healthier coping mechanisms fully take root and become second nature.

During this transition, emotions that were once carefully buried can surface with startling intensity. Patterns that ran quietly in the background of your life suddenly become visible and impossible to ignore. This doesn't mean things are actually getting worse or that your efforts are backfiring. More often, it means you're becoming more aware, more present, and more honest with yourself. Awareness can feel painfully raw before it eventually feels empowering. You're not regressing—you're actually progressing through one of the most challenging phases of healing.

Your Nervous System Needs Time to Catch Up

There's also the profound reality of nervous system healing that doesn't get discussed enough. If your body has spent years, perhaps even decades, operating in survival mode—characterized by hypervigilance, chronic people-pleasing, emotional suppression, or unrelenting stress—it doesn't immediately recognize or trust safety just because your external circumstances have changed or because you've intellectually committed to healing.

Even when your conscious mind fully understands that you're safe now, that you're supported, and that you're genuinely trying to heal, your body may still be operating from deeply ingrained protective patterns. Your nervous system learned these responses because they kept you safe at some point. Unlearning them and teaching your body that it can relax requires significant time, consistent repetition, and tremendous self-compassion. This kind of healing moves slowly precisely because it's addressing such deep-rooted patterns. Slow doesn't mean you're doing it wrong—slow often means you're doing the deep work that actually creates lasting change.

The Grief That Accompanies Growth

Another dimension that often gets overlooked in conversations about healing is the presence of grief. Healing frequently involves grieving multiple losses simultaneously: versions of yourself you had to be just to get through difficult times, things you desperately needed but never received, relationships that couldn't meet you where you were and ultimately couldn't continue, or simply the years spent in survival mode rather than truly living. This grief is real, valid, and often quite profound.

You can simultaneously feel grateful for your growth and still mourn deeply what it cost you. That grief can coexist with genuine progress, and experiencing it doesn't mean you're moving backward or that your healing isn't "working." In fact, the ability to feel and process this grief is often a sign that you're healing enough to finally acknowledge what you've been through.

When External Life Remains Objectively Difficult

It's also crucial to acknowledge that external stressors don't conveniently pause just because you're working on yourself. Systemic pressures, financial stress, complicated relationship dynamics, discrimination, caregiving responsibilities, chronic health issues—these are real, impactful forces that continue regardless of your internal healing journey. Doing "everything right" for your mental health doesn't create a protective shield against the weight of the world. Sometimes things feel hard simply because they are hard, and no amount of personal growth work changes certain external realities.

Your healing work is valuable and meaningful, but it's not reasonable to expect it to make you immune to legitimate difficulties. Recognizing this can help you extend compassion to yourself rather than assuming you must be doing something wrong when life still feels challenging.

Reframing How We Understand Struggle During Healing

If you're in this difficult space right now, these perspectives might offer some relief and help you see your experience differently.

First, understand that experiencing difficulty doesn't mean something is wrong with your approach. Struggle is not evidence that your efforts aren't working or that you've chosen the wrong therapist or the wrong strategies. More often, it's actually evidence that you're in the messy middle of real change, which is inherently uncomfortable but ultimately necessary.

Second, recognize that progress doesn't always manifest as immediate emotional relief, though that's what we understandably hope for. Sometimes progress looks like noticing harmful patterns slightly sooner than you used to, setting boundaries with more intention even when it feels awkward, or choosing healthier responses even when they don't feel good yet. These are meaningful steps forward, even when they don't feel like the relief you're seeking.

Third, remember that your capacity in any given moment matters far more than achieving some idealized version of perfection. Healing isn't about optimizing every single habit or maintaining flawless consistency with all your practices. It's about meeting yourself honestly wherever you are right now. Some seasons of life require rest rather than more effort, and that's not only okay—it's necessary for sustainable healing.

Finally, know that you're allowed to need ongoing support even when you appear to be "doing well" from the outside. Support isn't a resource reserved exclusively for moments of crisis. It's meant for maintenance, continued growth, and regular care. Needing support doesn't indicate failure—it indicates wisdom and self-awareness.

A Reminder About What Healing Really Means

At The Mending Space Therapy, we consistently remind clients that healing is not about becoming perpetually unbothered or developing endless resilience. It's about building a relationship with yourself that can hold genuine complexity—strength and softness existing together, effort and exhaustion both being valid, hope and frustration occupying the same space. You don't need to prove that you're trying hard enough to deserve support or compassion. You already deserve these things simply by being human and doing your best with the resources and awareness you have right now.

You're Still Moving Forward on Your Path

If you're showing up for yourself, even imperfectly and inconsistently, you're doing deeply meaningful work. If things still feel hard despite your best efforts, it doesn't mean you're failing at healing or that something is fundamentally wrong with you. It means you're alive, responsive to your experiences, and actively engaged in a complex process of change. Sometimes the bravest and most important thing you can do is simply keep going gently, without turning your very real pain into a personal indictment or evidence of inadequacy.

You're not behind some invisible timeline. You're not broken beyond repair. And you're absolutely not alone in experiencing this particular kind of struggle. Healing that actually lasts takes time, patience, and a willingness to keep showing up for yourself even when progress feels invisible. That's exactly what you're doing, and it matters more than you might realize.

If you need support, don’t hesitate to reach out and schedule a consultation. We’d love to support you.

The Performance of Motherhood — And What It Costs Women Mentally

The Performance of Motherhood — And What It Costs Women Mentally

Motherhood is often described as instinctual, joyful, and fulfilling. And while it can be all of those things, many women experience something quieter and heavier alongside it: the performance of motherhood.

This performance isn’t just about caring for children — it’s about meeting invisible expectations. Being patient at all times. Being emotionally available. Being productive, present, grateful, and selfless. Doing it all without appearing overwhelmed.

For many women, especially high-achieving women and Black women, this performance comes at a real cost to mental health.

What We Mean by “The Performance of Motherhood”

The performance of motherhood refers to the pressure to appear like you are doing motherhood “right.”

This can look like always being calm, nurturing, and emotionally regulated ,iding exhaustion, resentment, or grief, or feelinng responsible for everyone else’s emotional experience You may feel constantly pressured to measure yourself against curated images of “good” motherhood, even if those images to accurately represent you or your lived experience. You may also feel pressured to perform competence even when you feel depleted.

These expectations aren’t just personal — they’re cultural. They’re shaped by patriarchy, racism, capitalism, and unrealistic ideals of productivity and sacrifice.

And over time, they train women to override their own needs.

Masking, Survival, and the Nervous System

Many mothers learn early on that there isn’t space for their full emotional experience.

So they mask.

They smile through exhaustion.
They suppress anger, grief, or ambivalence.
They push through instead of slowing down.

From a nervous system perspective, this is not a failure — it’s a survival strategy.

But long-term masking keeps the nervous system in a state of chronic activation. Over time, this can show up as:

• Anxiety or irritability

• Emotional numbness

• Burnout or shutdown

• Difficulty resting without guilt

• Feeling disconnected from joy or pleasure

• A sense of “I don’t recognize myself anymore”

Many women don’t realize they’re burned out from performing motherhood — not motherhood itself.

When the Past Gets Activated

For some women, motherhood also activates unresolved experiences from their own upbringing:

• Being parentified

• Emotional neglect

• Growing up in unpredictable or high-stress environments

• Learning early that love was conditional on performance

When this happens, the nervous system isn’t just responding to present-day parenting stress — it’s responding to old patterns of responsibility, vigilance, and self-erasure.

This is often where insight alone isn’t enough.

How EMDR Can Help

EMDR therapy can be especially helpful for mothers who feel stuck in patterns of overfunctioning, guilt, or emotional overwhelm.

Rather than focusing only on coping strategies, EMDR works with the nervous system to process earlier experiences that shaped beliefs like “I have to hold everything together”. It can also reduce emotional reactivity and chronic stress responses, creating mor space for rest, agency, and self-trust

Many women find that as their nervous system settles, the pressure to perform softens — not because they stop caring, but because they stop sacrificing themselves.

You’re Allowed to Be a Person, Not a Performance

Motherhood does not require perfection.
It does not require constant self-sacrifice.
And it does not require you to disappear.

If you’re feeling exhausted, numb, resentful, or disconnected, that doesn’t mean you’re failing — it often means you’ve been performing for too long.

Support can help you step out of survival mode and back into yourself.

Whether through trauma-informed therapy like EMDR or coaching that centers joy, nervous system care, and identity, you deserve care that sees you — not just the role you play.

If motherhood has activated anxiety, burnout, or old patterns you can’t seem to shift, trauma-informed therapy may help. I offer EMDR and somatic therapy for adults across Pennsylvania. Schedule a consultation today.

When Your Body Won’t Slow Down: Why You Might Need a Nervous System Reset

If you've ever told yourself "I just need to calm down" and then felt frustrated when your body didn't cooperate, you're not alone.

Many of the women I work with are doing all the "right" things. They're self-aware. They understand their patterns. They've tried rest, routines, and mindset shifts. And yet, their body still feels on edge, exhausted, wired but tired, emotionally reactive, or numb and disconnected.

This isn't a personal failure. It's a nervous system doing exactly what it learned to do to keep you safe.

Why Regulation Is Harder Than It Sounds

Your nervous system isn't guided by logic or willpower. It's guided by safety.

When your body has spent a long time navigating stress, pressure, emotional labor, trauma, or survival mode, slowing down can feel unfamiliar or even unsafe. That's why "just relax" doesn't work. And why rest sometimes increases anxiety instead of relieving it.

From a nervous system perspective, regulation isn't about forcing calm. It's about gently helping your body remember that the threat has passed. It's about creating enough safety that your system can finally shift out of the hypervigilance it's been holding for so long.

For many high-achieving women, especially Black women and femmes who've carried the weight of navigating systemic stress on top of personal challenges, your nervous system has likely been in overdrive for years. You've learned to push through, to keep going, to hold it all together. Your body became brilliant at survival. But now that same survival response is making it nearly impossible to rest, even when you desperately need to.

What a Nervous System Reset Really Means

A nervous system reset doesn't mean erasing stress or never feeling activated again. It's not about achieving some mythical state of permanent calm or becoming someone who never gets triggered.

Instead, it means interrupting chronic fight, flight, or freeze patterns that have become your default. It means creating small, sustainable moments of safety in your body so that rest becomes possible again. It means increasing your capacity for presence without demanding perfection. It means learning to respond to life instead of constantly reacting from a place of threat.

Most importantly, it means doing this without pushing, fixing, or performing wellness. You've already spent enough energy trying to optimize and perfect yourself. A true nervous system reset honors where you are right now and builds from there.

Why Small, Consistent Practices Matter More Than Big Changes

One of the biggest misconceptions about healing is that it requires major overhauls—a complete life transformation, a week-long retreat, or hours of daily meditation.

In reality, your nervous system responds best to repetition, predictability, gentleness, and attunement. Small practices done consistently can have a bigger impact than occasional bursts of "self-care" that feel like another obligation on your already overwhelming to-do list.

This is especially true for high-achieving women, Black women and femmes, neurodivergent adults, and anyone who's used to holding everything together. You don't need another ambitious goal. You need permission to start small and stay consistent without judgment.

Think of it like this: your nervous system has spent years learning that the world isn't safe and you need to stay vigilant. You can't undo that learning in a weekend. But you can, through gentle repetition, begin teaching your body a new story. One breath at a time. One moment of groundedness at a time. One practice that says "you're safe now" until your body begins to believe it.

Understanding What Your Nervous System Actually Needs

Before you can reset your nervous system, you need to understand what state it's in. Are you stuck in hyperarousal, constantly scanning for threats and unable to settle? Are you in hypoarousal, feeling numb, disconnected, and exhausted? Or are you bouncing between the two, never quite finding your center?

The practices that help when you're anxious and activated are different from the ones that help when you're shut down and disconnected. This is why generic self-care advice often falls flat. Your body needs something specific, something attuned to where you actually are, not where you think you should be.

Learning to identify your nervous system state without judgment is the first step. From there, you can begin to choose practices that actually support regulation rather than adding more pressure to "get it right."

A Resource for Women Ready to Feel More Grounded

I created the Nervous System Reset Guide as a simple, accessible starting point for women who want to feel more grounded without overwhelming themselves. This guide is designed to help you understand what state your nervous system is in, identify what regulation actually looks like for your body, and practice brief, body-based resets you can use in real life, not just on yoga retreats or spa days.

There's no "right" way to move through it. You don't need to be calm, motivated, or perfectly consistent to begin. You just need curiosity and permission to go slowly. This guide is for women who feel chronically tired or overstimulated, who find that rest feels hard or guilt-inducing, whose body feels stuck in survival mode. It's for those who want tools that don't rely on positive thinking or forcing yourself into a better mood.

Whether you're currently in therapy or coaching and want support between sessions, or you're not in therapy but want nervous-system-informed care, this guide offers a gentle entry point. It's also helpful if you're curious about deeper work but aren't ready to fully commit yet. You're allowed to dip your toe in. You're allowed to explore at your own pace.

You Don't Have to Wait Until You're Completely Burned Out

You don't have to wait until you're completely burned out to care for your nervous system. You're allowed to start with small moments of safety. You're allowed to go at your own pace. You're allowed to need support.

If your body has been asking for something slower, softer, and more attuned, the Nervous System Reset Guide is available now. This isn't another thing you have to be perfect at. It's simply a resource to help you begin listening to what your body has been trying to tell you.

Your nervous system doesn't need another demand. It needs care. And you deserve to give yourself that care, even if it starts with just five minutes of presence, one grounding breath, or a single moment of noticing that right now, in this moment, you're safe.

Download the Nervous System Reset Guide and begin the gentle work of helping your body remember what safety feels like.

Post-Holiday Fatigue: Why You’re Exhausted and Why It Makes Sens

Post-Holiday Fatigue Is Real — And You Don’t Have to End the Year Strong

The days after the holidays can feel strangely heavy.

The anticipation is gone.
The routines are disrupted.
The adrenaline fades.
And suddenly, your body feels exhausted in a way that sleep alone doesn’t fix.

If you’re noticing brain fog, low motivation, irritability, emotional flatness, or a deep desire to withdraw after the holidays — you’re not imagining it. And you’re not doing anything wrong.

Post-holiday fatigue is real. And from a nervous system perspective, it makes complete sense.

Why the Body Crashes After the Holidays

For weeks (or months), your nervous system may have been managing:

• social obligations

• family dynamics

• financial pressure

• disrupted routines

• sensory overload

• emotional labor

• expectations to be “on”

Even when the holidays include moments of joy, they often require extra regulation — especially for people with trauma histories, neurodivergent adults, and high-achieving women who are used to holding things together.

Once it’s over, the body finally lets go.

This isn’t laziness.
It’s not a lack of discipline.
It’s your nervous system coming down from sustained activation.

Post-Holiday Fatigue Doesn’t Always Look Like Sleepiness

For many people, this fatigue shows up as:

• difficulty focusing

• feeling emotionally numb or flat

• low motivation

• irritability or short patience

• wanting to cancel everything

• feeling disconnected from joy

If you’ve spent much of your life pushing through stress, your body may only feel safe enough to rest once the pressure lifts.

You Are Allowed to Not “End the Year Strong”

There’s a cultural message that says:

Push through. Finish strong. Don’t slow down yet.

But your nervous system doesn’t follow calendar deadlines.

You don’t need to wrap the year up neatly.
You don’t need a highlight reel.
You don’t need to squeeze productivity or meaning out of exhaustion.

Ending the year tired doesn’t mean you failed.
It often means you carried a lot.

A Gentler Way to Close the Year

Instead of asking, “How can I push through the finish line?”
Try asking:

• What does my body need right now?

• Where can I reduce pressure instead of adding more?

• What can I let be unfinished?

• What would rest look like if it didn’t need to be earned?

Sometimes the most regulating thing you can do is stop striving.

When Post-Holiday Fatigue Signals Something Deeper

If you notice that the exhaustion, numbness, or anxiety lingers — or feels familiar year after year — it may be a sign that your nervous system has been operating in survival mode for a long time.

Trauma-informed therapy can help you:

• understand your body’s stress responses

• gently regulate your nervous system

• release patterns of chronic overfunctioning

• build capacity for rest without guilt

You don’t have to wait until you’re completely depleted to seek support.

You Don’t Need a Strong Finish — You Need Care

As the year comes to a close, let yourself end it honestly.
Tired counts.
Quiet counts.
Soft counts.

Your nervous system doesn’t need a performance.
It needs safety.

If you’re considering therapy to support burnout recovery, trauma healing, or nervous system regulation, I offer trauma-informed care for adults across Pennsylvania, both virtually and in person.

👉 Schedule a consultation

Navigating Relationships While Managing Trauma

You're trying to be present with your partner, but your mind keeps drifting to that familiar feeling—the tightness in your chest, the urge to pull away, the sudden flash of anger that seems to come from nowhere. You know these reactions aren't really about the person sitting across from you, but that doesn't make them any easier to control.

If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. Trauma has a way of showing up uninvited in our closest relationships, often when we least expect it.

When Past Pain Lives in Your Body

Trauma doesn't stay neatly contained in the past. It lives in your body—in the tension you carry in your shoulders, the knot in your stomach when conflict arises, the way your breath becomes shallow when you feel vulnerable. This isn't just in your head. Your nervous system remembers what happened, and it's doing everything it can to keep you safe, even when safety means pushing away the very connection you're craving.

You might find yourself:

• Shutting down emotionally when conversations get too vulnerable

• Feeling hypervigilant or constantly on edge around your partner

• Struggling to trust, even when your partner has given you no reason to doubt them

• Reacting intensely to situations that others might see as minor

• Avoiding intimacy or closeness because it feels too overwhelming

• Noticing physical sensations—racing heart, shallow breathing, muscle tension—that signal your body is on high alert

These aren't character flaws. They're survival responses that once protected you but now get in the way of the connection you deserve.

The Double Bind of Wanting Closeness While Fearing It

Here's what makes trauma in relationships so confusing: you want closeness, but closeness can feel dangerous. Your nervous system remembers being hurt, and it's doing its job by trying to keep you safe. The problem is, it can't always tell the difference between genuine danger and genuine connection.

This might look like pushing away the very person you want to be close to, or testing your partner's commitment in ways that strain the relationship. You're not sabotaging things on purpose—you're responding to an internal alarm system that's still calibrated to past threats.

Healing Happens in the Body, Not Just the Mind

Traditional talk therapy can help you understand your trauma, but understanding alone doesn't always change how your body responds. This is where somatic and EMDR therapy come in.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) helps your brain reprocess traumatic memories so they no longer hold the same emotional charge. Instead of reliving the pain every time something triggers you, you can remember what happened without your nervous system going into overdrive.

Somatic therapy recognizes that trauma is stored in your body. Through breathwork, mindfulness, and body-based practices, you learn to:

• Notice when your body is signaling a trauma response

• Release stored tension and stress from your nervous system

• Build a sense of safety within your own body

• Stay present during difficult conversations instead of dissociating or shutting down

• Reconnect with yourself so you can genuinely connect with others

This holistic approach honors all aspects of your being—mind, body, spirit, and soul—because healing isn't just about understanding what happened. It's about feeling safe and whole again.

You Don't Have to Choose Between Healing and Relationships

Some people worry that working on their trauma means they have to be alone, or that they're somehow "too broken" for a relationship. That's not true. You can heal while staying in relationship. In fact, safe, supportive relationships can be part of your healing.

In therapy, we create a space where you can:

• Process traumatic experiences at a pace that feels right for your body and nervous system

• Learn to recognize and manage trauma responses before they take over

• Develop practical tools to stay grounded when triggered

• Explore how trauma specifically shows up in your relationships without shame or judgment

• Rebuild trust—both in yourself and in your capacity for connection

• Strengthen your relationship while honoring your healing journey

A Space That Honors Your Whole Identity

For BIPOC women especially, trauma often intersects with experiences of racism, cultural pressure, and the burden of carrying generational pain. Your healing journey happens within a context that's uniquely yours, and that deserves to be seen and honored.

At The Mending Space, I understand that healing isn't one-size-fits-all. Whether you're dealing with childhood wounds, relationship trauma, anxiety, depression, or the accumulated stress of navigating the world as a Black or Brown woman, you deserve a space where all of you is welcome.

Ready to Begin Your Healing Journey?

If this post resonates with you, it might be time to get some support. You don't have to keep managing this alone, and you don't have to choose between healing and having the relationships you want.

I offer in-person therapy in Jenkintown (near Abington, Glenside, and the greater Philadelphia area) and telehealth throughout Pennsylvania. Together, we'll use EMDR, somatic practices, and trauma-informed care to help you build the connected, authentic relationships you deserve.

Request an appointment today or call (215) 960-9843 to learn more.

Healing is possible. You deserve to feel safe in your body and your relationships.

Making Space for Grief: Embracing Healing During the Holiday Season

The holidays are often framed as a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. But for many people, especially those navigating trauma, burnout, or complex life transitions, this season can stir up grief in ways that are hard to name.

If the holidays feel heavier this year — if you’re more tired, irritable, sad, or disconnected — you’re not alone. And you’re not doing the holidays “wrong.”

Grief doesn’t only show up after death.
And it doesn’t always look like tears.

Why Grief Feels Stronger During the Holidays

The holiday season has a way of highlighting what’s missing.

Routines change. Memories resurface. Family dynamics come into sharper focus. Cultural expectations to be happy or grateful can make it harder to acknowledge pain.

For people who have spent much of their lives in survival mode — especially high-achieving women, Black women, and neurodivergent adults — grief may live quietly in the body long before it’s recognized consciously.

The nervous system remembers what the mind tries to move past.

Different Types of Grief That Often Show Up This Time of Year

1. Grief After the Loss of a Loved One

This is the type of grief we most commonly recognize.

Holidays can intensify the absence of someone who once held a place in your life — a parent, partner, sibling, friend, or chosen family member. Traditions may feel painful. Joy may feel complicated.

There’s no timeline for this kind of grief. Missing someone years later doesn’t mean you’re stuck — it means the relationship mattered.

2. Grief for Relationships That Changed or Ended

Not all losses involve death.

You may be grieving:

• a strained relationship with a parent

• distance from family

• a breakup or divorce

• a friendship that no longer feels safe or mutual

• the decision to go low- or no-contact for your own well-being

During the holidays, when connection is emphasized, these relational losses can feel especially sharp.

3. Grief for the Life You Thought You’d Have

This type of grief is rarely talked about — but it’s deeply real.

You might be grieving:

• not having children (by choice or circumstance)

• not having a partner

• not living in the place you imagined

• a career path that didn’t unfold as planned

• the version of yourself you thought you’d be by now

This grief often carries shame, because society doesn’t always make space for mourning unlived lives.

But your nervous system knows the difference between acceptance and suppression.

4. Grief Rooted in Trauma and Burnout

For many people, grief is woven into trauma and chronic stress.

You may be grieving:

• years spent in survival mode

• childhoods shaped by instability or emotional neglect

• always having to be “strong”

• being the one who held everything together

• not having had the chance to rest, play, or be cared for

This grief may show up as exhaustion, numbness, irritability, or feeling disconnected rather than sadness.

That doesn’t make it less valid.

5. Collective and Cultural Grief

Many Black, Indigenous, and People of Color carry grief that is both personal and collective.

This can include grief tied to:

• racism and systemic harm

• intergenerational trauma

• community loss

• ongoing social and political stress

The body holds these experiences, even when there are no words for them.

Grief Doesn’t Always Look Like Crying

Grief can show up as:

• fatigue

• anxiety

• difficulty concentrating

• feeling emotionally flat

• wanting to withdraw

• increased irritability

• feeling “off” without knowing why

These are not signs of weakness.
They are nervous system responses to loss.

Making Space for Grief Without Forcing Healing

You don’t need to “process” everything this holiday season.
You don’t need to feel grateful.
You don’t need to make meaning out of pain.

Sometimes the most supportive thing you can do is:

• acknowledge what hurts

• reduce pressure on yourself

• allow mixed emotions

• prioritize safety and rest

• seek support without rushing resolution

Healing is not about erasing grief — it’s about learning how to carry it with more care.

How Therapy Can Help During the Holidays

Working with a trauma-informed therapist can help you:

• understand how grief lives in the body

• gently regulate your nervous system

• process losses that were never acknowledged

• release shame around your emotional responses

• create boundaries that protect your capacity

Therapies like EMDR and somatic approaches don’t require you to relive every detail of loss. They help your nervous system feel less overwhelmed by what it’s holding.

You Don’t Have to Carry This Alone

If the holidays bring up grief — whether old, new, visible, or invisible — you deserve support that honors your full experience.

There is no “right” way to grieve.
There is only your way.

If you’re considering therapy, I offer trauma-informed support for adults across Pennsylvania, both virtually and in person in Jenkintown.

Request a consultation here

Care is not something you have to earn — especially during the holidays.

Do I Need Trauma Therapy? Exploring Your Healing Options

One of the most common things I hear from prospective clients is this:

“I don’t know if I should be in trauma therapy. Nothing that bad happened to me.”

There’s often a pause after that sentence — followed by comparison, minimization, or self-doubt.
As if pain only counts if it reaches a certain threshold.

If you’ve ever wondered whether your experiences are “enough” to justify trauma therapy, you’re not alone. And more importantly: you’re asking the wrong question.

Trauma Isn’t About What Happened — It’s About What Happened Inside You

Trauma isn’t defined by the event itself.
It’s defined by how your nervous system experienced and stored that event.

Two people can go through the same situation and walk away with very different nervous system responses. What matters is not the severity of the event on paper — it’s whether your body felt overwhelmed, unsafe, or unable to cope at the time.

This means trauma can come from things like:

• Growing up in a chronically stressful or emotionally unpredictable home

• Being expected to mature quickly or take care of others

• Experiencing racism, microaggressions, or feeling “othered” over time

• Emotional neglect or not feeling seen, protected, or supported

• Chronic pressure to perform, succeed, or “hold it together”

• Repeated experiences of invalidation, criticism, or instability

None of these require a single dramatic incident.
But all of them can shape how your nervous system learns to survive.

“But Other People Had It Worse…”

This is where many people get stuck.

You might tell yourself:

• “I wasn’t abused.”

• “Nothing violent happened.”

• “My parents tried their best.”

• “I should be grateful.”

And yet — your body tells a different story.

You may notice:

• Chronic anxiety or tension

• Feeling constantly “on” or hypervigilant

• Emotional numbness or shutdown

• Difficulty resting without guilt

• Trouble trusting others or yourself

• Burnout that doesn’t improve with time off

Trauma therapy isn’t about ranking pain.
It’s about listening to what your body has been carrying — often quietly — for years.

Signs Trauma Therapy May Be Helpful (Even If Nothing “Major” Happened)

You might benefit from trauma-informed therapy if you find yourself:

• Reacting strongly to things that “shouldn’t” be a big deal

• Feeling stuck in patterns you understand intellectually but can’t change

• Experiencing fatigue that rest doesn’t fix

• Overfunctioning, people-pleasing, or perfectionism

• Avoiding certain emotions, memories, or sensations

• Feeling disconnected from joy, play, or ease

These aren’t character flaws.
They’re often signs of a nervous system that learned to stay alert to survive.

Why Talk Therapy Alone Isn’t Always Enough

Insight is powerful — but it has limits.

Many clients come into therapy already knowing why they feel the way they do. They’ve reflected, journaled, analyzed, and processed cognitively. And yet, their body still reacts.

That’s because trauma lives not just in memory, but in the body and nervous system.

When stress or threat isn’t fully processed, the body stays prepared for danger — even when life is relatively stable. This is where somatic therapy and EMDR can be especially helpful.

How EMDR Supports Healing Without Re-Telling Everything

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a trauma-focused therapy that helps the brain and nervous system reprocess experiences that are “stuck.”

Instead of retelling your story over and over, EMDR works with:

• the body’s sensations

• emotional responses

• memory networks

• and the nervous system’s stress responses

Many clients describe EMDR as helping memories lose their emotional charge — not because they forget what happened, but because their body no longer reacts as if it’s happening now.

EMDR can be helpful for:

• chronic anxiety

• burnout

• perfectionism

• attachment wounds

• developmental trauma

• and the cumulative impact of stress over time

It can also be done effectively via telehealth.

You Don’t Need to Prove Your Pain to Deserve Support

You don’t have to justify your experiences.
You don’t have to compare yourself to anyone else.
You don’t have to wait until things get worse.

If your nervous system feels stuck — if your body has been carrying more than you want it to — trauma therapy may be a supportive next step.

Healing doesn’t require a dramatic backstory.
It requires compassion, safety, and the willingness to listen to what your body already knows.

Taking the Next Step

If you’re curious whether trauma therapy or EMDR might be right for you, I offer consultations to explore your goals and answer questions in a supportive, pressure-free way. You can request an appointment here.

You deserve care that meets you where you are — not where you think you should be.

When Your Body Says “Slow Down”: Understanding December Fatigue

Why You Feel Drained at the End of the Year — and What Your Nervous System Is Trying to Tell You

Every year around this time, people start wondering why they’re so exhausted.
Not just tired — depleted.
Unable to focus.
Shorter fuse.
Less tolerance for stress or noise.
More overwhelm with things that “should” be simple.

If this sounds familiar, nothing is wrong with you.
Your body is responding exactly the way a nervous system responds after twelve months of carrying, holding, and performing.

December fatigue isn’t a personal failing.
It’s biology, trauma history, and emotional labor intersecting.

Let’s break down what’s really happening — and what can actually help.

There are a few reasons the end of the year feels heavier on your nervous system:

1. Your brain has been in “go mode” for months.

Even if the year had good moments, your nervous system has been working nonstop to manage stress, uncertainty, responsibilities, and emotional load.

By December, your body finally says:

“I can’t keep doing this pace.”

2. Less daylight impacts mood and energy.

Shorter days and longer nights affect your circadian rhythm, melatonin production, and emotional regulation.

3. The holidays bring emotional labor — even when they’re joyful.

Navigating family dynamics, travel, gift expectations, caregiving, or grief…
Your brain doesn’t see those as “festive.”
It sees them as more things to manage.

4. Trauma histories intensify end-of-year exhaustion.

If you’ve spent years or decades in survival mode, transitions (like the shift into winter) hit harder.

Your body tracks:

• memories

• anniversaries

• family patterns

• unprocessed stress

This shows up as fatigue, irritability, shutdown, or anxiety — not because you’re failing, but because your body remembers.

For Black and Brown women, December Fatigue Often Runs Deeper

The end of the year can trigger layers of:

• emotional labor

• cultural expectations of strength

• family pressure

• being “the rock” for everyone

• work environments where you’re the “only one”

• accumulated microaggressions

Your nervous system hasn’t had the luxury of coasting.
It’s been performing, managing, and protecting — all year long.

Of course you’re tired.

What Actually Helps Your Body Recover

(And none of these require huge lifestyle changes.)

1. Micro-rest breaks

Two minutes of deep exhaling.
Staring out the window.
Letting your shoulders drop.
Your nervous system responds to small, repeated cues of safety.

2. Reduce the emotional load

Ask yourself:

“What am I carrying that is not mine to carry today?”

Put it down — even temporarily.

3. Prioritize warmth, slowness, and quiet

Your body calms faster with:

• warm drinks

• warm showers

• slower movement

• soft music

• less stimulation

4. Let your body lead

If you’re tired, it’s not discipline you need.
It’s permission to rest.

5. Seek support if your nervous system feels stuck

Therapy — and specifically EMDR and somatic therapy — can help your system relearn what safety feels like.

You don’t have to push through alone.

You Deserve Rest. You Deserve Safety. You Deserve Ease.

If your body feels heavy, tense, or overwhelmed right now, it’s not weakness.
It’s communication.

There is nothing wrong with you.
Your body has been working hard to get you through this year.

If you’re ready to explore trauma therapy or EMDR in a compassionate, culturally responsive space, I’d be honored to support you. Request a consultation here or call our office at 215-960-9843.

Your Body Knows: Making Sense of Fight, Flight &Freeze in BIPOC Healing

What if your anxiety, numbness, or constant exhaustion weren’t signs that something is

wrong with you, but signs that your body has been doing its best to keep you safe?

For many Black, Indigenous, and People of Color, our bodies hold not just our own

stress and trauma, but also generations of survival. Our nervous systems carry the

weight of personal experiences, family struggles, and collective histories, stories that

are often felt more than they’re spoken.

When we react with fight, flight, or freeze, it’s not because we’re weak or broken. It’s

because our body remembers. It’s because our body is wise.

Making Sense of Trauma

Let’s be real: a lot of the pain we carry didn’t start with us. Many of us have been living

in survival mode for a long time, because we’ve had to. We’ve grown up in families and

systems shaped by colonization, racism, displacement, violence, and economic

hardship. And our bodies learned to adapt to that.

What this means is that being “on edge,” quick to anger, always alert, or feeling

emotionally numb these aren’t personality flaws. They’re survival skills.

Instead of asking ourselves, “What’s wrong with me?”we can start asking, “What

happened that made my body feel like it had to protect me this way?”

Healing starts when we stop judging our reactions and start listening to them.

Your Nervous System Is Always Listening

There’s a part of your body, your nervous system, that’s always scanning your

surroundings, asking: “Am I safe?”

If the answer is yes, you feel calm and connected. If the answer is no (even if you don’t

know why), your body responds in one of three ways:

Fight – You might feel tense, irritable, angry, or ready to defend yourself.

Flight – You may feel anxious, restless, or like you have to “do something” to stay

ahead of danger.

Freeze – You might feel shut down, disconnected, foggy, or numb.

These responses are not flaws. They are your body doing its job especially in a world

that hasn’t always felt safe for BIPOC folks.

Why BIPOC Bodies Stay in Survival Mode

The truth is, many of us live in a world where we rarely get to feel fully safe. Whether it’s

racism, classism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism or the layered weight of all of these

our nervous systems don’t always get the message that the danger has passed.

Being the “only one” in a space. Navigating healthcare or school systems that don’t see

you. Carrying family trauma. Feeling invisible. Feeling watched. Being expected to push

through. These all send signals to your nervous system that you need to stay on guard.

So if you find yourself always bracing, always scanning the room, or feeling shut down

it’s not because you’re failing. It’s because your nervous system is protecting you the

only way it knows how.

Regulation Isn’t Control. It’s Care

Nervous system regulation isn’t about forcing yourself to be calm. It’s not about

pretending you’re okay when you’re not.

It’s about meeting your body where it is and giving it what it needs to come back to a

place of safety, even just a little bit at a time.

Here are some starting points:

If You’re in Fight or Flight (anxious, restless, on edge):

Breathe low and slow. Inhale gently for 4 counts, exhale for 6.

Ground yourself. Press your feet into the floor. Hold a warm cup or feel the texture of

your clothes.

Name what’s happening. “I feel tight in my chest. My thoughts are racing.” Naming

brings awareness.

Move intentionally. Take a walk, stretch your body, or dance to music that connects

you to your culture or joy.

If You’re in Freeze (numb, shut down, foggy):

Move slowly. Wiggle your fingers or toes. Rock gently. Stretch your arms.

Re-orient. Look around your space. Notice five things you can see or feel.

Connect. Call or sit with someone safe. Let your body feel the presence of someone

who sees you.

Offer touch. Wrap yourself in a blanket or place your hand over your heart and breathe

into it.

Returning to What Our Communities Already Knew

Before anyone used the words “nervous system” or “trauma-informed,” our communities

already had practices for healing. We sang. We prayed. We gathered. We told stories.

We moved together. We sat in silence or in ceremony. These aren’t just traditions.

They’re tools.

Regulation isn’t just something you learn in therapy it’s something many of our

ancestors already knew how to do. Our work now is to remember and reclaim those

ways.

You’re Not Alone in This

Healing is not a straight path. It’s not fast, and it doesn’t always feel good at first. But

you deserve care that meets you where you are.

If your nervous system feels stuck, that doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your body

has been trying to keep you safe. And now, it might be ready to learn a new way.

Working with a therapist who understands your lived experience can help but so can

finding practices that feel true to you. Safety can begin with small moments. With

breath. With presence. With rest.

You Deserve Rest. You Deserve Safety. You Deserve Healing.

Your body has carried so much. And it’s still here, still speaking to you.

Let it know: You don’t have to fight forever.

Let it feel: You are allowed to rest.

Let it believe: You are already worthy of healing, just as you are.

Healing is possible, and you deserve care that honors all of who you are.

If you’re curious about what this support could look like, you can request a free

15-minute consultation here.

Why High-Achieving Women Struggle to Sleep in November(And What Your Nervous System Has to Do With It)

Every year around this time, I start hearing it in sessions again:

“I can’t fall asleep.”
“I keep waking up at 3 a.m.”
“My brain won’t turn off.”

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone — and you’re not “doing rest wrong.”
You’re experiencing what I call nervous system drift: that end-of-year pattern where shorter days, added responsibilities, and emotional fatigue quietly push your body out of balance.

And for high-achieving women — especially Black women and neurodivergent women — this drift can feel like a full-body shutdown.

Why November Sleep Gets Weird

Several factors make November a uniquely restless month:

1. Decreased daylight affects your circadian rhythm.
When sunset creeps earlier, your body produces melatonin later, disrupting your natural sleep-wake cycle.

2. The “mental year-end sprint.”
You’re probably evaluating your goals, juggling family logistics, prepping for holidays — all while your body is asking for hibernation mode. That mismatch fuels cognitive overstimulation and insomnia.

3. The emotional labor of connection.
Many women spend November managing other people’s feelings — anticipating gatherings, smoothing family tension, or keeping up with partners and colleagues.
This constant outward focus leaves the body hypervigilant, not relaxed.

Many of my clients are brilliant, capable, and deeply caring — but they also live in chronic performance mode.

For high-achieving Black women and femmes, sleep struggles are often tied to the cultural pressure to be endlessly strong and self-sufficient. That “Strong Black Woman” schema keeps the body on alert even when the day is over.
For neurodivergent women, factors like sensory sensitivity, hyperfocus, and rejection-sensitive anxiety can make winding down harder.

Three Practices to Help You Sleep (and Feel) Better This Winter

The 5-Minute Wind-Down Ritual

Before bed, try this three-step reset:

• Soften your gaze. Look around the room and name three things that feel safe.

• Exhale twice as long as you inhale. This activates the parasympathetic system (the “rest and digest” response).

• Place one hand on your heart, one on your belly. Remind your body: “It’s safe to rest now.”

This isn’t meditation — it’s physiological permission.

A “Play Pause” During the Day

Play regulates the same neural pathways that help us sleep.
Take five minutes midday to stretch, doodle, dance, or step outside without multitasking.
That joy signals your nervous system it’s safe to stop hustling — even briefly.

➡️ Supporting research: Stuart Brown – The Neuroscience of Play (NPR)

Decenter the Emotional Load Before Bed

Journal or voice-note one question:

“What feelings am I holding that aren’t mine to carry into tomorrow?” This helps externalize emotional labor — especially for caregivers and partners.
Your nervous system can’t sleep if it thinks it’s still responsible for everyone else’s peace.

Sleep problems aren’t just about bedtime habits. They’re signals from a nervous system that’s been running the show all year and is finally asking:

“Can I rest now?”

If that question feels hard to answer, therapy can help.
Together, we can untangle what your body’s been holding — and rebuild a sense of safety, calm, and rest from the inside out. Request an appointment to start supporting your nervous system this season.

What Is EMDR Therapy — and How Can EMDR Intensives Help You Heal More Deeply?

Healing from trauma isn’t just about talking through what happened — it’s about helping your body and brain process what they’ve been holding.

That’s where EMDR therapy comes in.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a powerful, evidence-based approach to trauma therapy. It helps you reprocess painful memories that may still feel “stuck,” so they no longer trigger the same emotional intensity.

Unlike traditional talk therapy, EMDR focuses on how trauma lives in the nervous system — not just in the mind. Through guided eye movements, sounds, or tapping, EMDR helps the brain safely reprocess experiences that once felt overwhelming.

The result?
Clients often report feeling lighter, calmer, and more present — with less reactivity and a stronger sense of self.

Why EMDR Works

When we experience trauma, the brain’s natural processing system can become overwhelmed. Instead of fully integrating the event, the body stores fragments of it — sensations, emotions, or images — as if the danger is still happening.

EMDR helps complete that “unfinished processing,” allowing your brain and body to finally file the memory where it belongs: in the past.

This process can reduce symptoms of:

• Anxiety or panic

• PTSD or complex trauma

• Chronic shame or self-blame

• Emotional reactivity

• Perfectionism and over-control (common in high-achieving women)

What Are EMDR Intensives?

For some clients, weekly 50-minute sessions can feel too brief — especially when deep trauma work is involved. EMDR Intensives offer an alternative: extended sessions (often 2–3 hours) that allow for deeper focus and faster progress in a shorter period of time.

These intensives are ideal if you:

• Feel “stuck” in your current therapy progress.

• Have limited availability for weekly sessions.

• Want to make meaningful movement on a specific issue or event.

• Are preparing for or integrating after a major life transition.

EMDR Intensives provide a contained, supportive environment where we move at your nervous system’s pace — not the clock’s.

What to Expect from an EMDR Intensive

Every EMDR Intensive begins with a comprehensive intake session to ensure it’s the right fit. Together, we’ll:

1. Identify your goals and focus areas.

2. Establish grounding and regulation skills before beginning processing.

3. Schedule one or more extended EMDR sessions tailored to your needs.

After your intensive, you’ll receive integration support to help you stay grounded and notice changes as they unfold. One client expressed:

“I was nervous about doing an EMDR Intensive at first, but it felt so safe and focused. After just one session, I noticed less anxiety and fewer intrusive thoughts. It felt like years of weight started to lift.”

As a therapist who specializes in working with high-achieving women and femmes, I know how trauma often hides behind perfectionism, over-functioning, and people-pleasing. EMDR helps release what your body has been holding — so you can access calm, creativity, and connection again.

Getting Started

If you’re curious about EMDR or EMDR Intensives, I’d love to talk more about what healing could look like for you.

You deserve support that meets you where you are — whether that means weekly EMDR sessions or a focused intensive designed to help you move forward.

Request a free 15-minute consultation here.

Emotional Regulation 101 for Neurodivergent People: Navigating the Seasonal Shift

As the air is getting cooler, the days shorter, and routines are starting to change. There is a sense of comfortability for some, as fall rolls in; associated with feelings of coziness and an invitation to slow down. However, for many of us who are neurodivergent, the transition into colder months brings a subtle unease. Our nervous systems tend to be more sensitive, not because something is wrong, but because our brains process and respond to stimuli more deeply. The shift to shorter days, fluctuating temperatures, and holiday disruptions can feel unsettling, amplifying the effort it takes to stay emotionally regulated. You may notice more exhaustion, mood shifts, or difficulty focusing. That’s not failure, it’s biology.

Why Seasonal Change Hits Differently

As the days shorten, our brain chemistry shifts. Reduced sunlight decreases serotonin production (which supports stable mood) and disrupts melatonin balance, our cue for sleep and energy.

For neurodivergent individuals, especially those with ADHD or autism, these natural changes can collide with existing sensitivities in profound ways.

•   Light and Sensory Sensitivity
Research shows that up to 75% of autistic people experience light sensitivity. The dimness of winter or harsh indoor fluorescents can significantly affect focus and mood regulation. Similarly, ADHD traits increase vulnerability to seasonal rhythm changes; difficulty waking, oversleeping, or loss of motivation are common.

•   Disrupted Circadian Rhythms
The shorter daylight window can throw off internal clocks. Studies show that people with ADHD traits show a stronger correlation between decreased daylight and emotional dysregulation compared to neurotypical peers.

•   Sensory Overload and Routine Disturbance
Seasonal changes bring new textures, sounds, and routines; wet clothing, stronger scents, cooler air, and holiday social pressures. These can easily overwhelm neurodivergent systems that rely on consistency for safety.

•   Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
SAD affects nearly 5% of the U.S. adult population and is more pronounced in those at higher latitudes. For neurodivergent individuals, who may already battle low dopamine or interoceptive awareness issues, the winter slowdown can deepen dysregulation. Combined with sensory sensitivities and routine disruption, winter can feel disorienting rather than cozy.

What you can do about it?

Step One: Acknowledge the Rhythms

Regulation begins with recognition.
The world is slowing down and your body likely feels it too.

Instead of pushing against it, gently name what’s happening.
“I feel low-energy today.”
“I’m craving more quiet.”
“These shorter days feel heavy.”

This awareness resets the internal dialogue from shame (“Why am I so tired?”) to compassion (“My neurobiology is adjusting to less light”). Studies consistently link mindful self-awareness with decreased seasonal mood symptoms.

Step Two: Support Your Body’s Internal Clock

Your circadian rhythm thrives on consistency and light exposure. For neurodivergent people, whose body clocks may already run late, supporting that rhythm is essential. Evidence-informed adjustments include:

•   Morning light exposure: Spend 10–15 minutes by a bright window upon waking or use a clinically tested light therapy device to simulate sunlight. Studies confirm light exposure boosts serotonin and reduces SAD symptoms.

•   Warm sensory rituals: Wrap yourself in a weighted or heated blanket to provide proprioceptive input during dark mornings. This signals safety to your nervous system.

•   Stable routines: Keep meal times, bedtime, and morning routines predictable, even when the world outside feels uncertain. Regularity reduces cortisol fluctuation and improves energy balance.

Step Three: Build a Cozy Regulation Toolkit

Colder months provide the perfect opportunity to create sensory-friendly comfort that invites your body into balance. Try mixing evidence-based somatic and sensory strategies:

•   Weighted or compression wear can create a gentle, calming pressure  that helps soothe ADHD and ASD-related dysregulation.

•   Temperature comfort: Try a warm bath or dip your hands in warm and cool water to help your body reset and find balance.

•   Soothing scents and sounds: Earthy or woody aromas and steady background sounds, like brown noise, can create a sense of calm and help ease the overstimulation that often comes with seasonal changes.

•   Gentle movement: Light activity like stretching, yoga, or a short walk can lift your mood, re-energize your body, and support a more balanced emotional state.

Creating an intentional “emotional first-aid kit” helps you externalize regulation which is essential for neurodivergent people whose executive function may fluctuate with light levels and fatigue.

Step Four: Reconnect Through Structure and Rest

As the daylight fades, our systems crave rhythm. For many neurodivergent brains, winter offers a built-in invitation to slow down without guilt. When things feel chaotic, creating a ritual like lighting a candle every evening or journaling after work helps anchor your nervous system.

Rest doesn’t signal weakness; it signals regulation. The nervous system restores balance during downtime, and studies show that downtime supports emotional resilience, especially for those prone to overactivity and overstimulation.

Step Five: Nurture Connection and Co-Regulation

Isolation risk increases in winter, which can amplify dysregulation and seasonal depression. For neurodivergent individuals who already exert extra energy navigating social interactions, it’s important to connect safely, not constantly.

This might look like:

•   Text or voice note exchanges instead of video calls.

•   Attending structured, low-sensory community events.

•   Cuddling with pets or spending time with familiar people whose presence soothes rather than drains you.

Feeling safe and connected, whether through touch, presence, or trusted relationships, helps the body find its balance and steadies our emotions.

The Bottom Line: Your Nervous System Is Seasonal, Too

So when your energy dips or your emotions feel louder this season, remember: nothing is “wrong.” Your neurodivergent nervous system is simply responding, accurately, to environmental change.

The path to emotional regulation this season isn’t about fighting the darkness. It’s about working with it.
Leaning into warmth, pattern, and gentleness offers something more enduring than perfection: steadiness.

Your emotions, like the earth itself, have seasons. Honor the cycle and let your healing match the rhythm of the world turning slower.

How Long Should Therapy Last?

Understanding therapy duration for EMDR, trauma-informed approaches, and healing timelines

One of the most common questions people ask before starting therapy is: "How long will this take?" It's a fair question. You're making a time, financial, and emotional investment in your mental health, and you want to know what to expect. The honest answer? It depends. Several factors can impact the length of treatment, including your goals, the type of therapy you choose, and your unique healing journey.

Let's break down what influences therapy duration and what you can expect from different treatment approaches.

What Determines How Long Therapy Takes?

Your Treatment Goals Are you seeking support for a specific traumatic event, or are you addressing long-standing patterns developed over years? Someone working through a recent loss might need shorter-term support compared to someone healing from complex childhood trauma. Your goals shape your timeline.

Type of Therapy Different therapeutic modalities are designed for different timelines. Some approaches, like EMDR, are structured and time-limited. Others, like traditional talk therapy, may be more open-ended. The treatment method significantly impacts how long you'll be in therapy.

Complexity of Issues A single issue typically resolves faster than multiple interconnected challenges. If you're dealing with trauma plus anxiety plus relationship difficulties, expect a longer therapeutic journey than addressing one specific concern.

Your Commitment and Readiness Therapy works best when you're ready to engage in the process. Consistent attendance, practicing skills between sessions, and openness to change all accelerate progress. Life circumstances—like work stress or major transitions—can also affect your pace.

Therapeutic Relationship The connection you build with your therapist matters. When you feel safe and understood, healing happens more efficiently. Finding the right fit might take time, but it's worth it.

EMDR Therapy: Targeted Trauma Treatment

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is one of the most researched and effective treatments for trauma and PTSD. Unlike traditional talk therapy, EMDR helps your brain reprocess traumatic memories so they no longer cause distressing symptoms.

Typical EMDR Timeline:

• Single-incident trauma: 3-6 sessions after preparation phase

• Multiple traumas: 8-12 sessions or more

• Complex PTSD: 12+ sessions, sometimes extending to 6-12 months

How EMDR Works Faster: EMDR is designed to be efficient. Rather than spending years talking about trauma, EMDR uses bilateral stimulation (eye movements, taps, or sounds) to help your brain process traumatic memories naturally. Many clients notice significant improvement in symptoms like nightmares, flashbacks, and anxiety within just a few sessions.

The EMDR Process:

1. History and preparation (1-3 sessions): Building safety and identifying targets

2. Reprocessing phase (variable): Working through specific traumatic memories

3. Reevaluation and closure: Ensuring stability and integration

One of EMDR's advantages is that you don't need to share detailed descriptions of your trauma if you're not comfortable doing so. The therapy works by helping your brain complete its natural healing process.

Trauma Conscious Yoga Method: Body-Based Healing

The Trauma Conscious Yoga Method (TCYM) recognizes that trauma lives in the body, not just the mind. This approach combines gentle yoga practices with trauma-informed principles to help you reconnect with your body safely.

Typical TCYM Timeline:

• Foundational phase: 4-8 weeks to learn basics and build body awareness

• Integration phase: 2-6 months of regular practice

• Ongoing maintenance: Many clients continue long-term for sustained benefits

Why Body-Based Approaches Take Time: Trauma can disconnect you from your body—you might experience numbness, chronic pain, or feel unsafe in your own skin. TCYM works gradually to rebuild that connection. Unlike EMDR's targeted approach, TCYM creates sustainable, long-term changes in how you relate to your body and regulate your nervous system.

What TCYM Addresses:

• Chronic stress and tension

• Dissociation and disconnection from body

• Difficulty with emotional regulation

• Hypervigilance and feeling constantly "on edge"

• Physical symptoms of trauma

Combining TCYM with Other Therapies: Many clients find that combining TCYM with EMDR or traditional therapy accelerates healing. While EMDR processes specific memories, TCYM helps regulate your nervous system and builds resilience between processing sessions.

Combining Treatment Approaches for Optimal Results

Some clients benefit most from an integrated approach. You might start with EMDR to process specific traumatic memories while simultaneously attending TCYM sessions to regulate your nervous system and build body awareness.

Integrated Timeline Example:

• Months 1-2: Establish safety, begin TCYM practice, EMDR preparation

• Months 3-4: Active EMDR processing with ongoing TCYM support

• Months 5-6: Consolidate gains, continue TCYM for maintenance

• Beyond 6 months: Check-ins as needed, independent TCYM practice

This integrated approach addresses trauma from multiple angles—cognitive, emotional, and somatic—leading to more comprehensive healing.

Short-Term vs. Long-Term Therapy: What's Right for You?

Short-Term Therapy (8-20 sessions): Best for specific, recent issues or learning particular skills. EMDR for single-incident trauma often falls into this category.

Medium-Term Therapy (20-40 sessions): Appropriate for multiple traumas, moderate anxiety or depression, or developing new coping strategies. Most EMDR treatments for complex issues fit here.

Long-Term Therapy (40+ sessions or ongoing): Beneficial for complex trauma, deeply ingrained patterns, personality-related concerns, or ongoing support during major life changes.

How to Know When Therapy Is Working

You don't need to wait until you're "perfect" to end therapy. Here are signs you're making progress:

• Symptoms that brought you to therapy have decreased significantly

• You're using coping skills effectively in daily life

• Traumatic memories feel less distressing when they come up

• You feel more connected to your body and emotions

• Relationships have improved

• You can handle stress better than before

• You feel ready to practice independently what you've learned

Questions to Ask Your Therapist About Duration

During your consultation or first session, consider asking:

• "Based on my situation, what's a realistic timeline?"

• "How will we measure progress?"

• "What happens if I need more or less time than expected?"

• "Can we adjust our approach if things aren't progressing?"

• "What does the end of therapy look like?"

The Bottom Line: Your Timeline Is Unique

There's no one-size-fits-all answer to how long therapy should last. Some clients achieve their goals in a few months with focused EMDR work. Others benefit from longer-term support incorporating multiple modalities like TCYM. What matters most is that you're moving toward your goals at a pace that feels sustainable and safe.

Therapy isn't about staying in treatment forever—it's about giving yourself the time and support you need to heal, grow, and build a life that feels authentic and fulfilling.

The most important timeline is the one that honors your unique healing journey.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long does the average person stay in therapy? Research shows the average is 15-20 sessions, though this varies widely based on goals and treatment type. EMDR clients often complete treatment in fewer sessions than traditional talk therapy.

Will my insurance cover long-term therapy? Coverage varies by plan. Many insurers cover EMDR for PTSD and trauma-related conditions. As an out-of-network provider most insurances, we can provide a superbill that you can submit to your insurer for reimbursement .

Can I take breaks from therapy? Absolutely. Some clients benefit from intensive work followed by integration periods. Discuss this option with your therapist to create a schedule that works for your life.

What if I'm not seeing progress? If you've been in therapy for several months without improvement, it's worth discussing with your therapist. You might need a different approach, additional assessment, or a referral to another provider who specializes in your specific concerns.

Ready to discuss what therapy timeline might work for you? Contact us today to schedule a consultation and learn more about how EMDR and Trauma Conscious Yoga Method can support your healing.

Why High-Functioning Anxiety Often Gets Missed (And What to Do About It)

You’re doing great. No one would guess what it costs you.

You show up. You produce. You perform.
But under the surface, you’re bracing all the time.

That’s not “just stress.” That’s high-functioning anxiety.

It’s common, especially among high-achieving women. And because it looks like success, it often gets missed—even by the person experiencing it.

Why is so so easy to miss? First, society tends to rewards these symptoms. If you’re someone who is able to stay organized and get things done, people may not realize that you’re struggling. You’ve built an identity around coping mechanisms that helped you survive—but now keep you stuck.

So how can you tell that you may be experiencing high-functioning anxiety?

• You can’t stop thinking, planning, or preparing

• Rest feels unsafe or unearned

• You say “yes” to avoid disappointing people

• You fear being “found out” as not okay

• You’ve forgotten what joy or ease feels like

If you recognize any of these symptoms in yourself, I encourage you to pay attention to the cues your get from your body. Notice when you’re bracing-your shoulders are tense, your jaw is clenched, or you’re holding your breath. Next, name the fear. Ask yourself “what’s the story my anxiety is telling me?” Then offer yourself safety by breathing, meditating, or joyful movement.

High-functioning anxiety is exhausting because it makes you work for the illusion of calm.

You deserve real calm. From the inside out.

Ready to stop bracing and start healing? Learn how trauma-informed therapy can help you find real peace—not just performance.

Finding the Right Therapist as a High-Achieving Neurodivergent Woman

Discover specialized therapy approaches that honor your unique brain while supporting your professional success

Are you a successful woman who's always felt like you think differently? Maybe you excel in your career but struggle with perfectionism, burnout, or feeling like you're constantly masking who you really are. If you're neurodivergent—whether you have ADHD, autism, OCD, dyslexia, or another neurological difference—finding therapy that truly understands your experience can feel overwhelming.

You're not alone, and you're not broken. Your brain simply works differently, and that difference deserves to be honored, not fixed.

Understanding Neurodivergence in High-Achieving Women

Neurodivergent describes people whose brains develop and function in ways that differ from what society considers "typical." This isn't a medical diagnosis or something that needs to be cured—it's simply a way of recognizing that everyone's brain is unique. The term "neurodiversity," coined by Australian sociologist Judy Singer in 1998, celebrates this natural variation in human neurological development.

For high-achieving women, neurodivergence often comes with a unique set of challenges. You might be the perfectionist who burns out from trying to meet impossible standards. Perhaps you're the creative professional whose ADHD brain generates brilliant ideas but struggles with organization. Or maybe you're the successful executive whose autistic traits help you excel in structured environments while social demands leave you exhausted.

Many women receive their neurodivergent diagnoses later in life, often after years of wondering why certain things felt so much harder for them despite their obvious capabilities and successes.

Why Traditional Therapy Doesn't Always Work

Here's the thing about neurodivergent brains: they don't respond to one-size-fits-all approaches. Traditional talk therapy, while valuable, often wasn't designed with neurodivergent processing styles in mind.

For instance, if you have ADHD, you might find it difficult to track abstract concepts without concrete examples or visual aids. If you're autistic, you might prefer direct, clear communication over metaphorical language. If you have sensory sensitivities, that buzzing fluorescent light or strong air freshener in your therapist's office might make it impossible to focus on healing.

Two women with the same neurodivergent diagnosis can have completely different therapeutic needs. One autistic client might find social interactions draining and need help setting boundaries, while another thrives in structured professional environments but struggles with unexpected changes. This is why personalized, neurodiversity-affirming therapy is essential.

What Neurodiversity-Affirming Therapy Looks Like

Customized Communication Styles Your therapist should ask: "How do you best process information?" Some clients benefit from written summaries of sessions, others prefer visual supports or step-by-step explanations. There's no shame in needing information presented in the way your brain best receives it.

Environmental Accommodations Therapy isn't just about words—it's about creating a space where you can focus on healing. This might mean adjustable lighting, comfortable seating options, or permission to use fidget tools. These aren't special accommodations; they're accessibility features that help your brain engage fully in the therapeutic process.

Flexible Therapeutic Approaches While cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is widely used, it doesn't work for everyone. Some neurodivergent women respond better to somatic therapy, which works with the body's wisdom. Others thrive with art therapy or mindfulness practices adapted to their processing style. The key is finding what works for your unique brain, not forcing your brain to work with a rigid model.

Addressing the Intersection of Identity and Neurodivergence

If you're a woman of color who's neurodivergent, you may face additional layers of misunderstanding and stigma. Historical biases in mental health care mean that neurodivergence in women—particularly women of color—has often been overlooked, misdiagnosed, or pathologized. A skilled therapist will acknowledge these systemic barriers and work to create a truly inclusive space where all aspects of your identity are seen and valued.

Building Trust Through Understanding

The foundation of effective neurodiversity-affirming therapy isn't about perfect techniques—it's about genuine respect for your expertise on your own experience. Rather than imposing assumptions about how therapy "should" look, the right therapist will ask questions like:

• "What has been most helpful for you in the past?"

• "What does support look like for you?"

• "How can we adapt this approach to work better for your brain?"

This collaborative stance recognizes that you are the expert on your own neurodivergent experience.

Beyond Individual Therapy: Advocacy and Systemic Change

Sometimes, the challenges you face aren't personal failings—they're the result of systems that weren't designed with neurodivergent people in mind. A good therapist may help you develop self-advocacy skills for workplace accommodations, or collaborate with you on strategies for navigating environments that feel overwhelming.

This might include helping you craft emails requesting reasonable accommodations at work, developing scripts for difficult conversations, or creating systems that honor both your professional ambitions and your neurological needs.

Your Journey Forward

Working with a neurodiversity-affirming therapist isn't about changing yourself to fit society's narrow definition of "normal." It's about creating space for you to thrive exactly as you are while building skills and strategies that support your goals.

You deserve therapy that celebrates your neurodivergent strengths while providing practical support for your challenges. You deserve a therapeutic relationship that honors your intelligence, respects your time, and acknowledges the unique pressures you face as a high-achieving woman whose brain works beautifully differently.

Your neurological differences aren't obstacles to overcome—they're part of what makes you uniquely capable of contributing to the world in ways that only you can.

Ready to explore neurodiversity-affirming therapy? Contact us today to discuss how we can support your journey toward thriving as your authentic neurodivergent self.

How the “One Big Beautiful Bill” Will Impact Mental Health Care

On July 4, 2025, the One Big Beautiful Bill (OBBB) became law—an extensive reconciliation package that introduced massive cuts to federal health programs. As a therapist, it’s critical to understand how this legislation threatens access to care, especially for clients relying on Medicaid and other supports for mental health.

What the Bill Does to Healthcare Programs

• Medicaid funding will face about $1 trillion in cuts over the next decade, threatening coverage for vulnerable communities ( mmhla.orgNASHPWikipedia).

• As a result, 11 to 17 million people are projected to lose health insurance, according to both Yale and University of Pennsylvania analyses ( The Daily BeastTIME).

• 300 rural hospitals may close immediately, with up to 700 more at risk—leaving rural residents with limited access to care Kiplinger.

• Although OBBB includes a $50 billion rural health fund, it’s insufficient to offset the deep cuts and requires states to apply and plan strategically

Medicaid is a lifeline for clients who depend on subsidized therapy, medication, and psychiatric services. Losing coverage means losing access to continuity of care. Early-career therapists, community clinics, and those in underserved areas may lose funding and capacity—reducing available appointments and resources. Also, the most vulnerable c;ients—especially Black women, femmes, queer, and other marginalized clients—may feel re-traumatized by systemic devaluation of care

As a therapist, I’m addressing these changes by continuing to check-in with clients how they’re processing the ongoing changes led by the current political administration. That means also increasing access for uninsured or under-insured clients through sliding scale fees, groups, and workshops. For instance, The Mending Space Therapy is now offering low-fee sliding scale appointments slots with our counseling intern.

Cuts to Medicaid and mental health care aren’t just budget decisions — they’re profound violations of our collective health and humanity. As therapists, our work of healing, resistance, and relational justice matters now more than ever. If you’re navigating these shifts, we’d certainly love to support you. Complete a new client questionnaire or call to schedule an appointment.

Do I Need To Go To Therapy Every Week?

Most clients begin therapy with weekly sessions. Weekly meetings help build momentum, strengthen the therapeutic relationship, and create enough consistency for meaningful progress. Not everyone will need to meet at this cadence. But the right frequency depends on your needs, goals, and stage of the process.

Why Weekly Sessions Are Recommended

In the beginning, regular sessions create safety and connection with your therapist. Weekly meetings prevent long gaps where challenges can build up. Therapy is most effective when insights and skills build on each other, not weeks apart.

When You Might Meet Less Frequently

After a period of steady weekly sessions, it’s common of my clients shift to biweekly or monthly check-ins. This is often appropriate when:

• Symptoms have improved.

• You feel more confident using coping tools outside of session.

• You’re focusing on maintenance rather than crisis support.

Many clients also use biweekly sessions in order to more effectively manage the cost of treatment. Meeting biweekly cuts the cost of therapy in half and also can allow more time to implement what you’ve learned between sessions. Group therapy and workshops can also be helpful. You and your therapist will discuss a treament frequency that works best for your and your situation.

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Many clients benefit from starting weekly, then adjusting as progress is made. What matters most is finding a rhythm that supports your healing, growth, and capacity.

If you’re curious about starting therapy but unsure what frequency is right for you, let’s talk. Complete a new client questionnaire or call to schedule a consultation.

Why Is Therapy So Expensive?

If you’ve ever looked into therapy and thought, “Wow, that’s expensive,” you’re not alone. Many people feel surprised — or even discouraged — when they find out what my fees are.

It’s a fair question: why is therapy so expensive?

The truth is, therapy isn’t just about “paying for an hour of talking.” There’s much more happening behind the scenes that most clients never see. Let’s break down why therapy costs what it does, and why it can be one of the most valuable investments you’ll ever make in yourself.

The Hidden Costs of Therapy

When you pay for a session, you’re not just covering the time you spend in the room (or on Zoom) with your therapist. You’re also supporting:

1. Education & Training: Therapists complete years of graduate school, internships, and supervised clinical hours before they’re even licensed. Many also pursue additional certifications to serve clients better.

2. Licensing & Fees: Therapists maintain state licenses, which require renewal fees, continuing education credits, and strict compliance with ethics boards.

3. Insurance & Liability: Malpractice insurance is non-negotiable for client safety, and it adds to overhead costs.

4. Administrative Work: Writing progress notes, planning sessions, consulting with supervisors/colleagues, and handling billing — these all happen outside the 50-minute session. This is all unpaid labor.

5. Ongoing Learning & Support: Most therapists invest in supervision, workshops, and therapy for themselves to stay grounded and effective in their work.

In a sense, you’re really getting what you pay for—that’s not to say that you can’t find good therapy that’s cheaper (or that that high-fee therapy is better quality). However, in order to keep providing effective, quality treatment, therapists invest a lot of time and finances into doing our jobs.

Furthermore, unnlike a haircut or a fitness class, therapy is relational. You’re not paying for a one-time transaction — you’re investing in a safe, consistent space where healing and growth happen over time.

A therapist can’t double-book, rush, or “speed up” sessions without compromising your care. Each client receives full presence, attention, and preparation. That means the caseload is intentionally smaller, which also affects cost. This is the primary reason why I only accept limited insurance.

But What About Accessibility?

It’s true — therapy is an investment, and not everyone can afford weekly sessions at full fee. That’s why many therapists offer:

• Sliding scale options based on income. I provide a few low-fee slots with with my interns, whom I supervise during the academic here. You can sign up for the interest list here.

• Group therapy or workshops, which are often more affordable.

• Coaching services, which may provide similar support outside of insurance restrictions. You can learn more about my coaching services here.

While the cost of therapy can feel high, the return on investment often lasts a lifetime. You get to learn healthier coping and communication skills, heal past wounds, which in turn helps you to have better relationships with yourself and others.

In many ways, therapy is not just an expense — it’s a foundation for mental, emotional, and even physical well-being. If affordability is holding you back, it’s always worth asking your therapist about options. You deserve support.

If you’re curious about beginning therapy or want to explore options that feel sustainable for you, call or complete a new client inquiry form o learn more about working together.

What Does It Mean to Sit With Your Feelings?

Most of us were never taught how to handle our emotions. We’re told to “stay strong,” “shake it off,” or “push through.” For many of the women I see in my practice, the idea of slowing down to actually feel can feel uncomfortable, even unsafe. But learning to sit with your feelings is one of the most important skills for healing, growth, and emotional freedom.

At its core, sitting with your feelings means:

• Allowing emotions to surface without immediately trying to fix, hide, or dismiss them.

• Giving yourself space to feel without judgment.

• Noticing the physical sensations, thoughts, or urges that come with an emotion — and letting them move through you.

It’s less about doing and more about being present. Often, being present with our feelings can cause discomfort-we might not really want to sit with feelings or thoughts that are unpleasant. However, sitting with your feelings can deepen your self-awareness, enhance emotional regulation skills, and help create a sense of safety within yourself.

How to Begin Sitting With Your Feelings (Practical Steps)

1. Pause Before Reacting

   • Instead of pushing through or distracting yourself, take a moment. Even 2–3 deep breaths can create enough space to notice what’s happening.

2. Name What You Feel

   • Try simple language: “I feel sad.” “I feel angry.” “I feel anxious.” Naming the feeling reduces its power and helps the brain process it.

3. Notice Your Body

   • Where do you feel it? Tight chest, heavy shoulders, fluttering stomach? Emotions live in the body, not just the mind.

4. Let It Be Without Judgment

   • Feelings are not “good” or “bad.” They’re information. Allow yourself to feel them without labeling yourself weak, dramatic, or “too much.”

5. Give It Time

   • Most emotions, if you let them run their course, pass within minutes. They’re like waves — they rise, peak, and fall.

Learning to sit with your feelings is not about weakness — it’s about courage. It’s a practice of making room for your full self.

If you’re curious about building this skill in a supportive space, I’d love to walk with you.